A bit more about my novel...

Extract from Still Waters

It is early evening. I am suckling my infant son. We sit on the rocking chair in the nursery. Gently I rock backwards and forwards, pushing up and down with my toes. The lamp casts a golden glow over us. We are picture perfect, Madonna and Child in the Candlelight, a study for the old masters.

I look down at my son, at Zach. The small dimple on his temple works in and out with his efforts at drawing the milk from my body. His eyes are almost closed. I cradle my hand around his head; it is covered with a fuzz of hair, almost not human in its softness. I run my fingers over the dents in his skull, pleasantly concave to my touch. I press gently. They yield, a little.

I have always been fascinated by these unfinished areas on a baby’s head. It is where they are most vulnerable, where the hard bone of childhood is yet to form. It is one of the reasons human infants must be tended so carefully and nurtured for so long.

What would happen if I press too hard, I wonder. What would happen if I took a skewer and broke the skin of his fontanelle, if I pushed it further until it met the soft resistance of my child’s brain? If I continued pushing, would the steel cleave a pathway of immediate destruction and death, or would the results of its passage be more benign? Would the wound heal? Perhaps there would never be any obvious effect, or perhaps Zach would continue to grow for a time, until one day a mass of scar tissue pierced the trajectory of his development, keeping him forever looped in eternal childhood.

Even as I protect my baby so carefully, these are questions upon which I cannot help but ponder. It is the creative destructiveness of my motherhood; the alternating tide with which I wrestle...

Reviews of Still Waters

I’ll be placing reviews from various sources in this box. If you would like to add a review, please email me.

 

“Breathtaking! I am blown away by this book. I read Still Waters in one sitting. I couldn’t put it down. So many of my emotions have been dragged into the reading of it. I am exhausted! It is a tautly woven story with a powerfully credible main character. In fact, the main character is so credible I have to keep reminding myself she isn’t someone I know … or perhaps she is someone I know! That’s the scary thing, the really scary thing about this book – you realize there are people like her. More disturbing than that is how the boundaries between being ’disturbed’ and being perfectly sane become blurred with this character. Whilst I feel some measure of horror and repulsion toward her, being privy to her inner workings has left me with a sense of fascination. The epilogue almost invites us to become authors ourselves … pulled back into the character's mind and contemplating the possibilities for her life. I think she will be staying with me for some time - whether I like it or not.”

Louise Potter

 

The frightening thing about Still Waters is its stark reality.

Through its tormented protagonist it articulates thoughts and emotions that many people may experience fleetingly below the surface of their normality but that they cannot, or dare not, express.

The story is told from a single point of view by a woman whose name is not revealed to the reader. In one way she could be Everywoman. In another way she is unique in the worst sense of the word, devising her own dreadful escape from the fatigue, tedium and ultimate loss of control that housework and motherhood represent to her.

Still Waters is gripping reading, assured in style and swiftly paced, in keeping with the racing thoughts and emotions of the febrile central character. Camilla Noli uses language economically and powerfully to link the reader to the mind of the narrator, building swiftly from a deceptively gentle opening to a shockingly matter-of-fact and early climax.

While the climax is early, there is no subsequent flagging of action or interest as the story heads unswervingly towards a conclusion that, in retrospect, is perhaps inevitable but that at the time of reading is as provocative and disquieting as the events leading up to it.

In writing her first novel Camilla Noli has tackled aspects of motherhood that are disturbing, though-provoking and undeniable. She does so with assurance, sensitivity and a skill that enables the reader, while not likely to endorse the actions of the young mother portrayed in Still Waters, nevertheless to empathise with her emotions and to understand the anguish that prompts her to act as she does.

It is a rare writing skill that has the ability to arouse such strong and conflicting emotions.

Judy Huston - Journalist, biographer and author

 

Hello Camilla. Hi, I have just finished your book and find it hard to express how I’m feeling at this time, but i have to say i could not put the book down. I can tell you that it is a story that most women can relate to regardless of how confronting it is and have already started discussing the release of your book with customers and friends. I can’t wait to read your next book.

Regards Amanda Newham - Bookseller, QBD The Bookshop

 

Camilla Noli takes you right inside the heart, body and soul of a mother who cannot awaken to the purpose of motherhood. How this mother thinks and feels is revealed in an acutely real way: each word is in step with how a person identifies themself through a multitude of mini- stories which are formed and reformed over time through new experiences. Few authors have this ability to take you into this very personal territory. Camilla Noli does and what is even more remarkable is this is her first book.

Like me, you’ll feel your heart quicken in step with this mother. Your lungs will rise and fall with hers. More importantly you'll feel the powers of motherhood and parenthood pulling against the power of self. In the end you’ll have a deep awareness of the inner self of another human being. One that could change how you think and feel about others.

Carollyne Smithson - Stories in Life

 

This book Still Waters is a gripping book of great psychological depth, despite its accessible style. The topic may not be for the faint hearted, but the joy of this book is the emotional journey it takes you on, as you grapple with the dark. I found I spent a lot of time examining the anti-heroine at the centre of this story. I interpreted her one minute as a neglected spouse, and another as a potentially undiagnosed post natal depressed mother. There are many themes running through her angst of personal frustration and unfilfulment that many of us face every day. The concept she may actually be a pathological narcissist or psychopath acting out with dire consequences however builds momentum. Noli tells a remarkable story that I would liken to masterfulness of Camus' "Outsider". Her character's voice in the first person was a master stroke. You never really know the leading character's capacity or her reliability as the story teller.

I found it so easy to identify with her character on many levels, but it becomes increasingly difficult to accept what she does, which raises an emotional dilemma for the reader as your emotions roller coast with the narrative. Therein lies the magic of this book. It is not a passive "feel good" read. It is squeamish and dark, but do not let this dissuade you from reading it. It is a gripping psychological thriller that will have you thinking about it for weeks. It is so courageous in our politically correct society to find an author who want us, and compels us to broach our dark side. For is it not the examination of our psyche, in all its facets and possibilities, that takes us into the important self-reflection and free will that we reject evil in our choices.

Elizabeth Norris Organisational Psychologist ATTAINABLE SOLUTIONS